Sorry

Calmed down, but my parents made me so mad on the inside.  I slapped the wall.

I need to figure my way out, trying to mellow.

Problems

More Ellen threats.  I feel too elated @ other things to talk @ it.

@ the gym, I had nothing to do so watched her show in segments and now have the whole thing to see.

I got upset talking to Mom and Dad but more in a civilized way really..

Sorry if you didn't like the word spurt..

I'm fried.

So, like I got threatened to have gray hair when I finally was a bit more calmed.  Things like that.  My mom said she doesn't like iceburg lettuce, and my dad and I were like looking at her.  I had just upset her, and then she did that.  I came out upfront this dinner and said I'm not listening to your secret messages or something or other.  I got several taps from Ellen.  They were insults to stimulate me that I wanted to record the nature of.  It tapped some veins in me.  Also, I have feeling on 1 side 1 part cuz a car drove by and as usual it streams into my system, here in Orlando..

Problem

My dad said a date and gate.

Problem

I'm about to eat and my mom made it sound like "You aren't what you aren't, you-are-Viet-nam!" and closed the microwave like she was so cute but it's not..  Then she must think "You are your dad."  She can't talk to me like she's some hypnotic goddess.  What am I gonna do?  I'm hungry.

Merely

You're merely playing smart alec with me.

Problem

You can't keep getting mad at me for saying oh no when my dad comes home.  This isn't last week.  I've had that problem for like 20 years.

Problem

Ellen said the experimenters "made" me.  She can spurt out more things, too, probably.

Problem

My dad made the side of my mouth go down.  I think he did it with Ellen.  She has something up.  I don't wanna be affected by him.  This is serious, and you won't get away with all the bad things YOU did to me.

@ My Aunt

I dunno, I think they are just funning me, not doing it for a good reason and in a good way.  Should I flat out say I want my mom, too?  What are you rubbing in?

I don't care

if there's 2 reasons, I don't feel safe from other Chinese.  What if I called you Chinese?

Problem

What if people are trying to keep me from eating fancy food in restaurants cuz I'm 1/2 Chinese in any way for any reason?  What's next?  I am not Chinese, do not like Chinese, so I will not do it.  How can I find out?  I thought it was just cuz my dad has no money for me, anymore.  He usually gets me a shirt or something when we went out, too.  I shoulda been rich|famous and was famished.  It really had its effect.  I like it, but I mean we don't eat out.  We watched a movie, instead, even when it wasn't too good.  That's what my dad wanted.  With my money next month, I might need:

1-coat stand
2-shelf

Sad

I'm not saying I need to be forgiven?  That's incredibly sad if nothing I do matters.  I hope I can lead a happy solitary life.  I do kinda blame the Tim Burton negative hype for my parental problems..and like Tim Burton himself, though I admire him overall.  I guess you wanna waste my time and say that means I have to have another problem for blaming him, but I mean no one has responded, just don't care what I say.

Why?  Cuz he does make weird rules, like Johnny Depp, who I don't know if causes these things.  He's a bit more famous..

Chores

I cleaned the kitchen, put away the dishes.  I wonder how long my parents will linger on me being upset @ the garbage.  I think I just was more forceful.  I do that actually to prevent myself from doing what I really feel like doing.  That's a pity, people don't believe in that sort of thing.  I should not be upset, but my parents seem to nastily rub in things all the time, really if someone does that and you can't get away it hurts a lot.  I also scraped the inside of my mom's car with my shoes and the thing is a little lose, but I pushed it back in.  She annoyed me so much so many times.  I wish people didn't do that to communicate or whatever.  I may be fat, but I do not want to feel like doing something physical @ a psychiatric feeling.  I wanna speak to a lawyer.  My mom comes to the psychiatrist, and my therapist never answers, just takes notes.  So, dunno..  Can try to fix it myself by getting more private time to recuperate.  I do just go out.  I can just keep trying cuz I am trying..

Problem

So who just wants to revel in the idea I can't draw?  Someone in L.A.?  Everyone always said I was so good at art.  I know ^what^ your chicken scratch is already--when you think you draw better than Tim Burton!

Wait, aren't you not supposed to say that..?  It sounds like you're using it to hurt me.  I know you're just saying that, but part of you is trying to get at me.  You can't drop in like that in my life ever since watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," just insulting me like you could do it so much and so long.  You probably aren't even listening, you don't seem to.  I could get this situation --fixed--.  I e-mailed a family lawyer.  I said I just want someone to talk to.  My therapist doesn't do anything.

About accepting your inklings, I don't care.  I will not be made to believe in not knowing what is true.  I am not bad, you guys are!  You started what you started, and I got to comment on you hurting me!

If you're trying to be friendly, I don't think it really worked, but thanks anyway.  Sorry I am so upset.  I want someone to talk to.  So, I post it here where anyone can see in the light of day rather than corner me.

Mad

It's still making me mad they pictured my aunt stealing me and changing my diapers!  I just posted against this!