Also

It may be permanent.

Problem

Now, they are being worse.  Why would I want to do this?  It was something gross.

Problem

This person in my room keeps telling me they are right and being mean.  I don't think it's funny.  It could happen to any ole person.

What I Found

Because of Nell Burton's birth, Ellen has something to revel in against me.  Whatever did I do.. just because I'm not perfect, does not make me detestable.

Problem

People keep getting at me, and I'm not alone even and can't seem to get over it..

Problem

I saw it set up that Ellen got me called gay, and there wasn't a reason..

Problem

I know that people are mean to me for a reason that is not right.  You just waste life and time, and your goal is never reached.  Someone could die.

Sorry

Calmed down, but my parents made me so mad on the inside.  I slapped the wall.

I need to figure my way out, trying to mellow.

Problems

More Ellen threats.  I feel too elated @ other things to talk @ it.

@ the gym, I had nothing to do so watched her show in segments and now have the whole thing to see.

I got upset talking to Mom and Dad but more in a civilized way really..

Sorry if you didn't like the word spurt..

I'm fried.

So, like I got threatened to have gray hair when I finally was a bit more calmed.  Things like that.  My mom said she doesn't like iceburg lettuce, and my dad and I were like looking at her.  I had just upset her, and then she did that.  I came out upfront this dinner and said I'm not listening to your secret messages or something or other.  I got several taps from Ellen.  They were insults to stimulate me that I wanted to record the nature of.  It tapped some veins in me.  Also, I have feeling on 1 side 1 part cuz a car drove by and as usual it streams into my system, here in Orlando..

Problem

My dad said a date and gate.

Problem

I'm about to eat and my mom made it sound like "You aren't what you aren't, you-are-Viet-nam!" and closed the microwave like she was so cute but it's not..  Then she must think "You are your dad."  She can't talk to me like she's some hypnotic goddess.  What am I gonna do?  I'm hungry.

Merely

You're merely playing smart alec with me.

Problem

You can't keep getting mad at me for saying oh no when my dad comes home.  This isn't last week.  I've had that problem for like 20 years.

Problem

Ellen said the experimenters "made" me.  She can spurt out more things, too, probably.

Problem

My dad made the side of my mouth go down.  I think he did it with Ellen.  She has something up.  I don't wanna be affected by him.  This is serious, and you won't get away with all the bad things YOU did to me.

@ My Aunt

I dunno, I think they are just funning me, not doing it for a good reason and in a good way.  Should I flat out say I want my mom, too?  What are you rubbing in?

I don't care

if there's 2 reasons, I don't feel safe from other Chinese.  What if I called you Chinese?

Problem

What if people are trying to keep me from eating fancy food in restaurants cuz I'm 1/2 Chinese in any way for any reason?  What's next?  I am not Chinese, do not like Chinese, so I will not do it.  How can I find out?  I thought it was just cuz my dad has no money for me, anymore.  He usually gets me a shirt or something when we went out, too.  I shoulda been rich|famous and was famished.  It really had its effect.  I like it, but I mean we don't eat out.  We watched a movie, instead, even when it wasn't too good.  That's what my dad wanted.  With my money next month, I might need:

1-coat stand
2-shelf

Sad

I'm not saying I need to be forgiven?  That's incredibly sad if nothing I do matters.  I hope I can lead a happy solitary life.  I do kinda blame the Tim Burton negative hype for my parental problems..and like Tim Burton himself, though I admire him overall.  I guess you wanna waste my time and say that means I have to have another problem for blaming him, but I mean no one has responded, just don't care what I say.

Why?  Cuz he does make weird rules, like Johnny Depp, who I don't know if causes these things.  He's a bit more famous..

Chores

I cleaned the kitchen, put away the dishes.  I wonder how long my parents will linger on me being upset @ the garbage.  I think I just was more forceful.  I do that actually to prevent myself from doing what I really feel like doing.  That's a pity, people don't believe in that sort of thing.  I should not be upset, but my parents seem to nastily rub in things all the time, really if someone does that and you can't get away it hurts a lot.  I also scraped the inside of my mom's car with my shoes and the thing is a little lose, but I pushed it back in.  She annoyed me so much so many times.  I wish people didn't do that to communicate or whatever.  I may be fat, but I do not want to feel like doing something physical @ a psychiatric feeling.  I wanna speak to a lawyer.  My mom comes to the psychiatrist, and my therapist never answers, just takes notes.  So, dunno..  Can try to fix it myself by getting more private time to recuperate.  I do just go out.  I can just keep trying cuz I am trying..

Problem

So who just wants to revel in the idea I can't draw?  Someone in L.A.?  Everyone always said I was so good at art.  I know ^what^ your chicken scratch is already--when you think you draw better than Tim Burton!

Wait, aren't you not supposed to say that..?  It sounds like you're using it to hurt me.  I know you're just saying that, but part of you is trying to get at me.  You can't drop in like that in my life ever since watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," just insulting me like you could do it so much and so long.  You probably aren't even listening, you don't seem to.  I could get this situation --fixed--.  I e-mailed a family lawyer.  I said I just want someone to talk to.  My therapist doesn't do anything.

About accepting your inklings, I don't care.  I will not be made to believe in not knowing what is true.  I am not bad, you guys are!  You started what you started, and I got to comment on you hurting me!

If you're trying to be friendly, I don't think it really worked, but thanks anyway.  Sorry I am so upset.  I want someone to talk to.  So, I post it here where anyone can see in the light of day rather than corner me.

Mad

It's still making me mad they pictured my aunt stealing me and changing my diapers!  I just posted against this!

Problem

How is it okay to have Ellen call me a nigger to stimulate me?

What would you say..

..to me thinking I flipped someone off because they wouldn't stop irritating me?  I don't like doing that, but I felt violent and pushed wanting to post it and getting tired of it.  I hope there's some other thought I can resort to.  Next on list.  Check.  So I didn't mean it but am mad @ what I said.

Problem

My aunt is acting violent thinking @ a boy I know from England.  She just said she likes a boy that is not like him, and I know it connects to something that has to do with him but not really, just a coincidence.

Problem

I can't stand up and handle it when someone decides to call me something racially like in secret code, like in the noise they make.  It was for the importance of Ellen.  It started out my dad acted like she disciplines me, but no I didn't do anything.  I already said that's what I think.  Instead, you are meaner than cursing me.

Problem

I don't want people suggesting to me they have better younger parents.

Ellen is not even the 1 who it's happening to.  She doesn't really put up with anything unless she's looking for too much attention.  I mean, her hugging all the people who could make her sick--she must be looking for attention for being nice cuz she doesn't have to intake their tackiness.  I know she does it so that when she gets someone to hug her who she really likes she'll feel better, as well as not guilty.  That's just an example.  She brings many specific messages.  I'm saying she just flips off anything that harms her.  I'm just making a point.

The other reason I was posting I had a problem was because if I just tossed aside the message, someone would tell me it's real.

Sorry @ talking @ Ellen, but if you want to know what I thought here it is.

You know, they keep capping off something about me having an older mom.  That's what this post is @.  I don't like it.  I don't want 1 silly little message that has no meaning haunting me and being reminded to me.

Showing Off

I just got mad about something and was more forceful, didn't wanna be, but it always seems like too much.  I just have to react.  I went crazy and felt like my fingers were dislocating like being split open like this TV show when I watched.  All day, every day, people are trying to arouse me in inappropriate ways, and I can't just sit there.  I have tried more and more to ignore things.  I just don't know.  What do you do when you feel like you're being aroused in a funky sorta unceasing, irregular manner?  In a way that overcomes what you're doing, you can't stand it, can't stand up right, warble, feel aroused..  Is this just gonna get me more insults.  I figured my thing with the addiction to the 4-letter k word kids got it the 90s even if they didn't do it is if someone tries to arouse me.. like smiles @ it or laughs.

I feel kinda bad for my dad and mom.

I was just taking out my trash, and I didn't mind going back but was so surprised.  I almost forgot.  My dad seems upset @ me today, too, but I am not taking this!  I can't seem to blame him.  I think Burton did it.  But I was nice to him a lot etc.  Thought he deserved it.